How To:

“How to Watch a Movie” (experiment with lyric essay)

            1. Select a movie.

a. Consider the audience.  Are you alone? With one friend? Two friends? A group? The chosen film must reflect the number and personalities of the people present. 

b. Examples:

            * A particularly sad and powerful drama in which you might sob uncontrollably is most appropriate when you are alone in the home, accompanied by a fuzzy blanket

* A ‘chick flick’ that has been seen too many times is most appropriate for a group of three or more

* The Avengers is most appropriate to watch with only Katie, because if Yunnie joins she will squeal nonstop about the attractiveness of Captain America.

            2. Get the movie.

                        a. In the house.

                        b. Search Netflix Watch Instantly.

                        c. Redbox*

                              * This will take some preparation and an available vehicle. 

3. Snacks. 

a. Make the popcorn in a pot on the stove, then smother it in salt.  This is the best possible calculated outcome.

b. If too lazy to make popcorn, grab the pretzels on the shelf.

            4. Gather the audience.

                        a. This might prove to be the most difficult task. 

- Watching alone requires only the obtaining of a blanket and/or sweatpants. 

- Watching with friends requires getting them in the same room and threatening to start the movie without them. 

b. Do NOT start the movie without them.

            5. Put in the movie.

a. Purchase a Blu-ray player.  This removes the concern whether the movie is a DVD or Blu-ray disc.  The Blu-ray player plays both.  This creates less confusion.

            6. Press ‘play’.

                        a. Use the remote to select ‘play’ and then adjust the volume.

                        b. Do NOT try to shush everyone (if you are with friends/a group). It will not work.

            7. Enjoy the feature presentation.

a. This is the most important step.  It will last anywhere between one and three hours. 

b. Do NOT attempt to do homework during the movie.  You will not succeed.

                        c. Snuggle up and forget everything else.

<3 Mel